Reagan's Garden

I want to commemorate Reagan as much as I can. I need to see things that will physically remind me of him so back in late April Jacob and I bought a planter and turned it into a sweet garden for my baby boy. His special place.
Every day I peek out the blinds and greet him. It's so crazy how much I miss him and sometimes when I find myself getting irritable, annoyed or simply not being very nice I later realize it's because of my grief. I guess sometimes my grief does get bottled up inside because I don't want to spend hours crying especially not in front of my kids. I just feel that my grief should be done when I'm alone. That's like having one on one time with Reagan and I think he deserves that from me.
The flowers have grown so much since taking this picture.

It's hard to see a pregnant woman sometimes and it's definitely harder when I see a baby that would have been the same age as Reagan. I believe this will always affect me and it'll cut deep once again each time this happens to me. That's just how it is and how it always will be.

Reagan would be close to being four months old (due date was set for March 5,17). On Instagram I had been honoring Reagan's memory every 26 day of each month (he passed away on Aug. 26,16) but I'm thinking that now that his birth date has passed I want to start honoring his memory on every 5th day of each month instead. I want to celebrate his life now because after all he is very much alive in heaven with Jesus.

The other day Riley said he missed baby brother. He will say this every now and then but this time when he said it -it happened to be the 26th. Then yesterday he said he missed Libby. Libby died on April 28, 16. This trips me out. I guess they're right when they say that children can sense things. I'm pretty sure part of it has to do with their innocence. But what if he has a sixth sense? I think that would be cool. If he has a sixth sense then God gave him that for a reason. Now I'm even more interested in what Riley will end up doing with his life.



Perseverance. A refusal to give up is one of the symptoms of confidence, and thankfully, confidence can be yours in Christ. Keep doing what you believe to be the right thing for you, and eventually you will enjoy the breakthrough you desire.

I continue to read faith based books. Honestly, reading these books keeps me humble and I love it when I can get ideas from them on how to be a better person and how to make my life even more meaningful and fun. Which is not to say that I don't read my bible because I do but sometimes the bible can become a bit overwhelming to read.
I've been on a kick in reading books that are still faith based but intertwined with nature and since I do love going on walks and hiking and I definitely love cloudy windy weather, flowers and trees it just made sense to get into these type of books. After all God is the maker of all beautiful things.

Once Riley's at school I do enjoy my time alone. Gosh but time goes by so fast when I immerse myself in my books or blogging. I don't watch my movies as often as I used to anymore because I'm usually reading. I have to force myself to stop reading because there are other things I like to do like crocheting. I'm working on a throw blanket right now but I gotta admit I haven't worked on it for about a month and I'm also working on another project that has to do with hanging lights and I haven't touched that in about two months. I like having at least 2-3 projects to work on besides reading. Remember, I like variety, this way I wont ever get bored.
I'm also slowly and I mean very slowly working on Riley's playroom which will no longer ONLY be his playroom but also a gaming/tv area ... but it'll mostly still be his space though.


I told my sister Claudia about Reagan's garden and she sent money for flowers for whenever the old ones die. I still have the money and Reagan's garden is looking full of color and very nice.

With patience, beauty blossoms and our hearts experience

not only happiness, which is often fleeting, but a 

wellspring of joy that refreshes and renews.