Twenty Four Years

August 2020

In celebration of our 24-year anniversary, we took a trip to the northern Oregon coast. I'm pretty sure this is my favorite area. It's so pretty and calm.

We didn't head over to the coast right away. We were wanting to eat IN N OUT so we drove to Kaizer where the closest one is. Riley sure enjoyed his burger, lol.

Engaging in activities that bring joy needn't take a lot of time or money. Sometimes, an inexpensive meal hits the spot. We all truly enjoyed our burgers. It left us feeling utterly content and satisfied. 

After we ate, we drove to the coast. Just seeing the ocean is an immediate spirit lifter. The vibe changes dramatically, everything seems to slow down which calls on you to notice the beauty around you and to inhale the salty sea air. 

I'm an observer which helps to live with intention.

I wanted to walk on the beach for a while so we stopped at Newport. It wasn't hot at all. As a matter of fact I had on my jean jacket and Riley and Jacob had hoodies ....  in August, isn't it cool? I relished this weather. 

Found a mostly shaded trail that led down to the beach.

Pleasantly surprised to have had the beach all to ourselves.

What a pretty view.

Make it a priority to spend much of your precious time pursuing activities together. Making it a point on creating memorable moments to reflect back on.

The boys playing catch football. While they were entertaining themselves with that, I walked along the shore and collected white pebbles and seashells. 

The sea air is nostalgic. I made sure to take deep breaths and to take in this moment. 

There were several dead fish and jellyfish along the shore. I find jellyfish very interesting. It's just a see-through gelatinous blob. It's kind of cool looking. Just don't touch it.

The sound of the ocean is so calming, dreamy even.

I like to picture myself sitting out here on a picnic table journaling as the sound of waves crash in the background. Or going on long walks by myself, being immersed by the surrounding beauty of the sea and sand on the right and the piney forest to my left. That would be a dream.

We also drove to the marina which is across the road from the beach. We saw several fishermen with their fresh catch of the day. And we also spotted a few seals hoping to get a fish thrown at them. 

Twining 

Next, we stopped in Neskowin. It's not as populated by tourists like lets say Seaside or Cannon Beach, so it's a very quiet beach.

The life you have left is a gift. Cherish it. Enjoy it now, to the fullest.

Riley was so small here. Five years have passed since this picture was taken. That's a long time. He's grown so much and so much has happened. Change is inevitable. Sometimes I don't like change. 

We continue to make our way North. We had lunch in Seaside. Jacob and Riley wanted to ride a surrey bike. While they drove it around I went window shopping. 

We stopped in Astoria for the night.

Another pretty view. 

It was a fun little getaway. I'm always grateful to be able to see the beauty of the sea.

Our anniversary also marks the day we lost Reagan. It's definitely a bittersweet day of celebration but we make it a point to physically remember him by lighting a candle in his memory.

Time just seems to be flying by. Twenty-four years has truly gone by so fast. I am grateful to God to have made someone to love me, and for me to love him back.

With arms outstretch, I thank. With heart

beating gratefully, I love. With body in good health, I jump for joy.

With spirit full, I live.

Simple Pleasures

August 2019 

I'm drawn to the water. To the solace it provides. 

On those weekends where nothing has been planned we usually decide to hang out somewhere near water. I rarely like to stay home on weekends since I am home the entire week. For me, weekends are to venture out, explore and enjoy ... even if we visit the same places from time to time. 

We packed a light lunch and had a picnic by the water. 

Making sure I take a picture of myself every now and then, for memories sake. Embracing the grays and wondering if and when I'll dye my hair. 

This guy right here, the patriarch and my love.

I sometimes procrastinate on getting things done but we finally tackled a small project that I've been wanting to do, to put up a couple of shelves. 

I wanted the wood to be thick and worn looking. I grabbed the hammer and several gardening tools and started banging them on the wood to have the wood appear aged. Then I applied a white coat of paint and once it dried I gave it a rough sanding for a faded look.

I have since rearranged and added more books on these two shelves. Obviously, I have more books than shelving but that's going to have to get done some time in the near future. 

My sister Claudia would send my kids fun packages. She sent Riley several fun activities for him to stay engaged in during his summer break. 

One of the things she mailed was a gator/hoorag for him to wear when he's playing with his Nerf guns. Little did we know he would need it the following March to be in compliance with the Governor's tyrannical face mask mandate.  

August had been a hot one for the PNW. Mostly sunny days and in the mid 80's and hotter. We would spend several days in a row at home comfortable with our portable a/c unit on. But, staying home day after day becomes a bore no matter what different activities you try to engage in. So, when the cloudy days appeared once again (and over the weekend) we got take-out and went on a hike at Discovery Park. It's another nice trail/park that we like to frequent but it does tend to get crowded so we usually visit during cold or cloudy weather when the crowds are less. 

This trail is not very long, about fifteen minutes, walking downhill that is. It's shady which are the best kind of trails. It's on the way up that I have to stop and rest in the middle of it because my heart is pounding out of my chest. 

It was cool to see it was low tide. We like low tides, it gives one the opportunity to explore and spot interesting sea creatures. I like to collect small white rocks. I've found many during our Puget Sound outings. 

Re-fueling

It was fun walking on wet sand. Riley is always looking for baby crabs but he doesn't really like to pick them up. I do. He will pick up seaweed though. I think seaweed is gross, it's breeding ground for bugs plus it feels slimy. Ew.

Can't believe how far out we were.

I have two dahlia plants that I planted two years ago. I believe this particular dahlia is called rothesay reveller. I like the subtle color of this flower. It goes well with the earth tones I've implemented in my home. 

Prior to moving to WA I didn't own rain boots. Although we did get a good amount of rain in TX and Tucson (during the monsoon season) I just didn't care for them. But, since moving to the PNW it's wise to own a pair. I'm on my third pair of rain boots, not because I wear them out but because they somehow end up getting cracked on the inside where the toe meets the foot, and water gets in leaving my sock wet. I don't know why this happens, it's so odd. So I decided to spend a bit more on a good quality pair of rain boots. I loved the box my rain boots came in, it's so pretty that I kept it. Fast forward a year later and these boots are still in excellent shape!

This was in late August. We woke up to a wonderful cloudy morning so I said to Riley, "let's go walk along the water then grab something to eat". It is such a relief to get a break from the sun. I find so much joy being out in this environment.

This house has a nice garden out front. Sometimes I walk across the street so I can admire the flowers up close.

I love how cloudy weather keeps people indoors, but not people who appreciate this type of weather, like us. Walks are way more enjoyable this way. See, I was even social distancing way before we were urged to do so. Ha!  

Found a small patch of rocky beach where we stopped at so Riley could throw/skip rocks.

After our walk we went to Shari's Cafe, they have really good pies. However, Riley ordered the cinnama-sation French toast.

I got a pie. I saw a commercial for the marionberry cheesecake and I was sold. Oh man! It was delicious!!! 

I enjoyed this story about a journalist who has an obsession about sharks and decides to tag along with some scientist who are doing research and live on Farallon Island which is only twenty-seven miles off the coast of San Francisco where there's too many alpha great white's to count. It's quite an interesting story.

On days that we stay home because it's too warm for me to be out (and to avoid getting a headache) I play lego's and gormiti's with Riley. He sometimes laughs when I don't know the rules of the game and end up making up my own rules as I go, but then he corrects me.

This was our 24th year anniversary. Grateful for God's blessing on our marriage. I love flowers, all kinds really.

This day also marks our baby Reagan's death anniversary. One day I'm hoping to know the why's to my questions.

There are so many reasons to enjoy this beautiful life.

Reagan's 2nd Birthday

March 5, 2019

Several days before one of my angel babies birthdays or death anniversaries is coming my heart feels heavy, which I'm sure is normal for a bereaved parent.

I believe this flower is called Canterbury Bells White Campanula. So neat looking. I got it for Reagan.

My sister Claudia has always remembered the babies birthdays. She sent me this beautiful bouquet in remembrance of Reagan. My parents called me to tell me they were commemorating Reagan too. It makes me happy that Reagan is acknowledged.

I got a key lime pie (my favorite pie), added two little candles and we sang happy birthday.

Riley still gets emotional. He came along the few obgyn appointments I had and saw and heard Reagan's heartbeat. He was so excited for baby Reagan and was looking forward to having a baby brother to play with and look after.

Sadness, longing, loss, and the what could have been will always remain in me for the rest of my life. I don't feel these emotions on a daily basis though. As much as I love my babies I don't want to wallow in despair. That type of thinking is not healthy, mentally or emotionally. God has blessed me abundantly and continues to do so and I want to make sure to live a life of gratitude no matter the trials that I have endured.
However, I write these posts because it's important I remember Reagan and Lincoln. Doing this is healing. Each day that passes is a day closer to seeing them both. What a wonderful day that will be.

When you lose a child you are haunted with a lifetime of wonder.