Remembrance Walk

The Remembrance Walk for our lost babies was on October 8,2017. It is held at Gene Coulon Beach Park in Renton. There's a line of deciduous trees heading down the boat launch parking lot. They create such a gorgeous scene!!

It was a chilly morning. After we registered I got a blue and white balloon, got a name tag and just stood there looking around at all the families that have gone down the same path as we have. It's sad that pregnancy and child loss is not spoken of more or recognized as the great loss that it is ... because pregnancy and child loss is more common than you think. 1in 4 women suffer through pregnancy and child loss, that's quite significant. And what's even sadder to me is when the ones closest to you don't speak of the child that one lost or some women think that because the baby was too tiny that it wasn't a significant loss. All lost babies matter! They had a heartbeat ... a soul. I am so thankful that I got to birth and see my two angel babies and they have a special resting place in our backyard.

Reagan died on August 28, 2016  ... Due date was set for March 5, 2017   ... He was 13 weeks gestation.
Lincoln died on May 1st, 2017 .... Due date was set for December 3rd, 2017  ... baby was 9 weeks gestation.

I think of both my babies every. single. day and most of the time they're on my mind all day long. I've got their ultrasound pictures on my nightstand so I can see them when I wake up and when I lay down for the night. I also have their pictures downstairs on my bookshelf because the are part of our family and they should be remembered by all of us, daily. Just writing this is making me cry.
oh boy

There are a few kid activity stations. The glitter tattoos are very popular plus, there's also donuts and coffee.

The walk is about half a mile. This is our second time doing this. There was quite a crowd. Although the reason behind this event is a devastating one I am thankful that there is such an event that we can be part of to honor our angel babies.

At the end of the walk each mom receives a carnation for each lost baby then the director of the event will read a poem and after she's done we throw our carnations in the water and that concludes the event.

Grief doesn't have a time limit. Even after grieving for a year,

two, or five doesn't mean I'm not strong in my faith. Knowing the 

Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache, instead it

supports you in the middle of it. Until I get to heaven, 

there's going to be an ache that wont quit.

We think of you both always!

We love you babies.

Valentine's Day 2017

This has been Sophie's favorite spot to lay down for some time now ... and just look at her arm, her pose is all human like. She sure makes us laugh. And lately Jacob has been talking to her early mornings asking her if she needs more food and water and Sophie meows back in return, and loud too. It's funny.

Someone was very busy a few days before Valentine's Day writing down all of his classmates names on each card. He had to take breaks after every third name. He was very excited about this holiday and looking forward to the Valentine's day party as well. He kept reminding us to make sure to be there.

After so many days of rain and cloudy weather we finally got an entire day of full sun so we headed out to a park along lake Washington. The sun felt so good. It was still quite cold out but the sun sorta balanced it out.

Jacob was off on Valentine's Day. After dropping Riley off at school we headed out for breakfast. Then we went to Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory so I could get a caramel apple. Yum! After that we drove to Snoqualmie Falls to take in the view for a bit.
At home we exchanged cards and I also received flowers and perfume. He's the sweetest!

We got to Riley's school around 2:30 pm. They had already exchanged cards and were looking through all of them. It was nice seeing all the kids again. I volunteered for about three months and stopped in January. I wasn't feeling too well then so I decided to take a break. Maybe I'll volunteer again in the near future.

Riley sure loves having his daddy around.

I gave each of my kids a card and gift cards to their favorite restaurants. I bought Reagan fresh flowers for his special place. There's not a day when I don't think of him but it's double heartbreaking on a holiday. I was sad for him. For not having the chance for a healthy start at life, then my thoughts go back to that day when I saw him, held him for the first and last time. I remember every single feature. His fingers, his shoulders, his ears, feet, everything. It is so devastating.

Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter.

Who would think that those branches would turn green

again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it. 

-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

In Search of Christmas Lights

Driving around in search of decked out homes in Christmas lights is something we like to do each year. This has been tradition for nineteen years now. Of course, it wouldn't be a perfect experience without coffee so we first made a quick stop at Starbucks.
We drove through several neighborhoods. Some were South of Seattle while others were in the Seattle area.

There was a lot of "wow!" and "look!" coming from Riley. He loved it!

This one had tons of bright colored lights and it had loud music playing.

My favorite ones were the religious ones. It always touches my heart when I see displays of Mary and Joseph with baby Jesus or people that take the time to make signs displaying bible verses on them like these folks had. After all, that is the true meaning of Christmas, right?!

To conclude our search for Christmas lights we chose Gene Coulon Beach Park. It sits right on Lake Washington. It was a very cold night plus it was sprinkling. We had our thick jackets on and our scarves. People walk in the middle of all the Christmas lights displays.

Taking night pictures with my phone doesn't really provide good quality pictures but happy for the ones I did captured. The cold didn't stop Riley not one bit. He made sure to pose with style without being told to do so, lol. He wanted to go with brother and sister and walk along the pier but we objected because it was windier there and the pier wooden floor was wet and very slippery.

Once we were done looking at all these lights we sped walked to the car. Again, thank goodness for the heated seats! Also, good thing I always have cozy blankets in my car which the kids were all covered up with.
Happy for the cold weather which equals fun happy cozy times. That's what December/winter was meant to feel like.

Remember Ecclesiastes 3:11.
I am SO thankful that God gave us four seasons to enjoy. I love that. Thank You!

Easter Sunday

I must admit that opting not to go to church on Easter Sunday was a bit unorthodox ... but like I mentioned a couple of posts ago, our church didn't have the traditional Easter Sunday service. They just concentrated on baptisms. Is this the norm in some churches now-a-days?

Anyway, we took it easy on Easter Sunday. We didn't wake up to any alarms. That was nice. Riley woke up to find his Easter basket filled with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles games and activity sets and one chocolate bunny. I really don't let him eat much candy especially chewy or hard candy so one chocolate bunny was just perfect for him. He was thrilled too when he saw it.

After breakfast we saw Joel Osteen's Easter service on tv. That was our Easter Sunday service so we sort of did the traditional thing.

When that was over we headed out to a park. Again, being outdoors just feels so right. I love to be on the go ... just spending time out in nature can make my {our} day even better.

Wish I had Riley's stomach muscles. There is no way I can do what he's doing, lol. I'll probably end up pulling a muscle or something.

It was chilly. We were a bit dressed up than the casual park attire but that was because after the park we planned on eating out. I made sure I found a sunny bench.

I did at least wanted to get a picture of my three kids on Easter Sunday. I'm not really good at taking lots of pictures of my three kids together. They're always doing their own thing and since Riley is my little shadow well, he's the one I take the most pictures of. It's only natural, he's the baby.

Kids are never satisfied when it comes to leaving a fun place ... no matter how long one spends there. Riley didn't want to leave the park so we had a whiny four year old all the way to the restaurant. That is definitely overwhelming. I'm glad that by closing my eyes for a few minutes and meditate I can calm my mind and find peace among the chaos. It took me years to master this but now I know. Once we got to the restaurant he was fine.

Hope everyone had an enjoyable Easter.

Praise to God for a Living Hope

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!

In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living

hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

1 Peter 1:3

Limiting Monotony

We didn't leave the house at all on Monday and Tuesday. We packed. Those days were also a bit on the warm side, mid to high 80's.
I've said it before and I'm saying it again ... routine is not for me. It's good for the kids to have but not for their momma. It.wears.me.down!

So on Wednesday I took the kids to the park. It was cloudy and breezy, felt so good and because the weather was like this there wasn't many people at the park. That's always nice.

After throwing rocks at the lake for a while this little guy started running back to the playground. You know how fast they can run right and I don't like to run so I sped walked as fast as I could but I was still not catching up to him and he thought it was a game. He was laughing and looking back at me. Well, while he was looking back he fell in a mud puddle. I wanted to laugh so hard but I didn't. I couldn't help but smile though. He got up and immediately looked at his hands and legs and said "Oh No!". The look on his face was so funny and he was so devastated that I didn't even think of getting mad or irritated about his shorts and sandals being all muddy.

So I held his hand and told him that we needed to walk to the restroom to clean off the mud. I called Sydna and Nathan over and gave them a look and told them not to laugh at him ... because then that would be mean and Riley would have gotten upset. Oh they did laugh but Riley couldn't see them because they were walking behind us. The entire walk to the restroom he wouldn't stop talking about what happened. Retelling the story to his siblings, over and over in a most depressing way. So dramatic.
I rinsed off his legs with cold water. I was surprised he didn't complain about that. He was still distraught about what had happened.

He became a bit nervous when I picked him up to dry his legs with the hand drier. He kept saying no and calling sister {tito} to rescue him. Lol. Too funny.

You know what bothers me? Seeing shoes by the front door or anywhere inside the house unless they are neatly placed inside a closet. Right now the kids and Jacob leave their shoes by the front door. It looks terrible and although I hate it I decided I wasn't gonna stress over it. I did tell Jacob that at our new house shoes are gonna be left in the garage. He agreed. So several weeks ago I found a cool shoe rack at Target.com. It can hold up to 50 pairs of shoes. That's awesome. I'm going to make a home for it in our garage. It should arrive this coming week.


On Friday morning I was feeling a bit stressed. I have all three kids at home and I just needed at least an hour by myself, well Riley was with me. When it comes to teenagers and toddlers I would choose a toddler over a teenager anytime. Anyway, I went to schedule a haircut appt then I walked two stores down to Hallmark. Sometimes browsing a store can be therapeutic. They already had some Halloween decorations. Neat! and I began talking to the cashier about San Diego. Well, as I walked in the store I heard the lady talking to a customer about her recent trip to San Diego and so when that customer left we began talking. She kept saying how gorgeous it is there and wishes she could move there. That was nice to hear from someone that has lived in WA for a long time, given that Seattle is such a gorgeous city as well. Anyway, she said that her sons baseball game was in Point Loma and said it was very pretty there which it is and I asked her if she went to the lighthouse. She said no. OMG! I felt sorry they missed such a beautiful landmark and told her that if they ever visit San Diego again that she needs to check out the Point Loma Lighthouse and a visit to Coronado is a must. I didn't want to say too much because I don't want to be that annoying person that just wont shut up ... but boy, was I dying to tell her about all the other awesome things there is to do and see in my hometown.

I didn't feel like cooking dinner on Friday so I had plenty of down time. I watched two movies back to back while Riley slept. I couldn't believe he slept that long since he hasn't really been napping that much lately and when he does his naps have been short.
He was being so lovey dovey. So sweet when you're kids love on you without asking them to. Just melts my heart. So while he sat on my desk and in between hugs and kisses I snapped this cute picture of him.
He totally looks like his daddy.

And this cat has turned into My cat from hell {you know like the show}. Ever since I took her to the vet and she had a thermometer placed up her butt she hasn't been the same since. I'm sure it's not a good feeling but she's so ungrateful. So I'm ignoring her right now until she stops being such a dog {to put it nicely}.

So for dinner we had burgers. We hadn't been to Five Guys since May 19th!! for crying out loud. This is the only place I'll eat a burger from.
Riley is still not into burgers. Inconceivable. So we had to get him some noodles. He does eat fries though but didn't eat many because I got the cajun fries and he said they were too spicy, lol.

After we were done eating we drove over to a park. I wanted to take a walk and take in the pretty views so I told Jacob to drive past the playground. Sorry little guy, no playground this time.

The trail goes all the way back as far as the tree line goes and beyond. It's quite a long trail, one we didn't walk to the end because my little guy was getting tired which we purposely planned this way so he could fall asleep in the truck on the way back to the house. Once summer is over and we get more constant cloudy days I want to come back here and walk it 'til the end.

Made constant stops so Riley could throw rocks in the water and we also saw turtles sunbathing on rocks.

Saw a gaggle of geese, about sixteen of 'em. Not friendly creatures. I got bit on the leg when I was trying to feed one years ago but we didn't know they hissed. I told Nathan not to get too close and he did so he got hissed at, ha! It would have been fun if one would have chased him. That would have topped my evening.

The only reason why I would like to fast forward these next three weeks is so we could already be in our new house, unpacked and begin to enjoy it. Then only then we can begin our new chapter in our lives of being homeowners once again and calling Seattle our home ... for however long God plans for us to be here.

Hoping not to be stuck in the house all weekend long.