February Random Happenings

 February 2020

For the last couple of years, we've had rabbits in our back yard, either having babies or just stopping by to eat. Rabbits are so very cute, aren't they? 

This white rabbit would stop by with its brown rabbit partner. They were big, almost appeared domesticated however, we would see them in other people's yards as well during different times of the year. I guess they were the neighborhood's resident rabbits. 

They kept coming back for about an entire month. Riley was hesitant to touch it but Nathan touched it.

For Valentine's Day. Riley's teacher, Mrs. Edwards had her students make their own Valentine's box. She always challenged them to be creative. Jacob helped a bit. Picachu was what Riley settled on, it looks pretty decent.

I had gone to the store and had taken grocery bags in the house. I absentmindedly placed my keys on top of the back bumper. Well, I forgot to get them when I was done unloading the bags and pressed the button to close the tailgate when I realized too late that the keys were left there. They got wedged between the bumper and the tailgate. The remote was sticking out halfway. After trying to wiggle the remote for about ten minutes, Sydna was finally able to pry it loose. Thank goodness! It got scratched but surprisingly didn't get damaged. Thanks Sydna!

On our trip to Oregon, we had breakfast at Cracker Barrel. You can always count on finding pretty things for the home or cool miscellaneous items. I picked up this pretty coloring book with Bible verses. Coloring sure keeps one busy. Pretty flowers.

Crocuses are pretty. I placed them in Reagan and Lincoln's barrel planter. 

Just a few random pictures to give you a glimpse of home life. After all, these everyday life events are what makes life wonderful and meaningful. 

Live gratefully, not arrogantly. Have fun but don't flaunt. It's all in one's attitude.

Thanksgiving 2018

Simple is my decorating style for my home. I want my home to feel relaxed, cozy and peaceful. I don't like clutter or extravagant decorations but at the same time I want to avoid emptiness. And simple beautiful pieces help to create the atmosphere I'm going for. Too much stuff and bright colors are chaotic for me.

This was my Thanksgiving tablescape. "White is possibly my favorite color to decorate with - It's classic, calm, clean and never goes out of style". I like to style my simple decorations with small pops of color. The colors I like to decorate with along with white are earth tones and pure-neutral colors. And candles. Candles sure exude coziness.

We had my in-laws over and a bountiful feast ... we are indeed grateful for God's faithfulness and many blessings because everything good comes from Him. I'm definitely grateful for family even with all of our imperfections and difference of opinion and the reason why I can say this with confidence is because the only validation I need is from God and this gives me peace and strength to continue my walk with Him.
Oh, I sure love ham and turkey! There's two things I don't like and that is the green bean casserole and stuffing. I so wish I could have seconds but I am always too full to eat anything else after I'm done with my initial plate. Looking at this picture is making me hungry! We gave Riley a tiny amount of mash potatoes and ham to try. He didn't like either one but at least he gave it a try. He sure doesn't know what he's missing.

And of course, holidays and family gatherings tend to be bittersweet for me. I don't really show it but Reagan and Lincoln are still very much in my mind. I keep their spirit alive within me and it's during these special times that I miss them the most. I like to wonder about how our lives would be like if they were here with us ... so full of wonder and fun memorable moments. Babies/small children sure bring so much meaning to a holiday and intimate family time.
This is my way of including the babies physically on this special holiday. Although it's extremely sad I love that I have two babies with Jesus waiting for us to be reunited. And it wont be until then that I'll know if Lincoln was a boy or a girl. I am looking forward to that day but I pray that it wont be for a long time.

May we all bring a smile to God's face today, 

because of the appreciation in our hearts and on our lips

and in our deeds for His faithfulness, righteousness, generosity and love. 

Spring At Home

I am thankful that each season is only three months long. This way we get to appreciate them that much more. I believe that we can become indifferent with too much of one thing. Every season brings forth it's own beauty.

Here we are in Spring 2018. The most exciting thing for me about Spring is that soon nature, plants, trees will be sprouting with new life. Such a tender time that is full of exciting anticipation for the blooming of buds and creatures.
For us, Spring (Fall and sometimes Winter) is the ideal time to spend as much time outdoors as we can without having the sun weighing down on us and making me feel ill.

I got myself a book called Wilder Life which is a Season by Season guide to experiencing the great outdoors. Lovely illustrations and shared several projects for one to do. I would like to try a few projects from the book like weaving and macramé.
Here's a helpful guide for tending to your yard and garden during early Spring. I found this helpful and would have to say that once I began educating myself on basic gardening I have since been able to keep my plants and shrubs alive. That's a big deal for me.

We've been in our house for five years and barely last Spring we finally decided to paint the downstairs spare room. Riley's playroom. I wanted a dark color to make the room feel cozy. I love the color, it's Behr Graphic Charcoal. The one thing I was the most excited about was replacing the light fixture. There was a low chandelier that I grew to dislike very much because we always had to duck in order to not hit our heads. I found a ceiling lamp at Lamps Plus online. We drove to an actual store and to my disappointment they didn't have the nickel only gold so they had to order one for us and had to wait a couple of weeks for it to arrive.
If I remember correctly, this room was intended to be a formal dining room. Our family doesn't see any benefit on having a formal living or dining so we decided to turn that room into Riley's playroom.
Given that Riley had outgrown a lot of his toys we got rid of the kiddie toys and a few totes. We bought a tall bookcase to put all his books and board games on. We also got a console table and a couch that turns into a bed. We wanted this room to accommodate all three kids. If they felt like watching tv laying down on the couch then they can. The last thing we would like to do is to put up crown molding.

As soon as the rains stopped in early Spring I picked up several flowers from the store to decorate the babies resting place and a few for the front porch.
This is what I like about the babies barrel. I planted perennials and left a few spaces where I can also plant annuals. This gives me the freedom to change things up and pick pretty flowers each Spring and Summer.

For my front porch I added ranunculus to accompany the ferns and some other greenery (forgot what it is) I planted about a year ago. I'm into subtle decorating. Not sure why the fern on the left planter is not as abundant as the one on the right. Direct sunlight doesn't hit either one. Hm.

Ranunculus is such a pretty little flower.

Gosh, I don't remember this plant's name either. Our home layout is not the most favorable. We don't get that much direct sunlight. This side narrow kitchen window is the only window in the house that provides the most direct sun. It's my favorite window.
Also last Spring I got myself this pretty floral coffee cup. I love it! Isn't it lovely?!

I am well aware that all that I have is because of God's blessings to us. I could not purchase pretty Spring flowers without knowing that all this is only possible because He blessed Jacob with a wonderful job. To the unbeliever, this may sound silly but to us believers, we KNOW that nothing is possible without God.
God's hand is in EVERY single detail of our lives.

Joy is always available to us, moment by moment

.... if we only have eyes to see. 

Reagan's 1st Birthday

Reagan would have turned 1 on March 5th.

One can not help but to think about the "what could have been".  Life would have been SO different with our little Reagan around. I still get overwhelmed by this loss (and that of his baby sibling Lincoln too) at times.  I want to believe that our lost loved ones can see and hear us whenever we think or talk to them but nowhere in the Bible is this mentioned. It's just sad to know death is so final. As sad as this is I do find solace in knowing that I will see both my babies in heaven once I die.

While my baby's life was very brief, it was also

very meaningful. Yet, there was not a time to talk about him.

Happy 1st Birthday Reagan!!

Christmas Day 2017

At the center of Christmas is the heart of God

Thankful for all the blessings we 

are given every single day.  

We woke up to this on Christmas Day. Snow is pretty when it first falls.

I sure have enjoyed each life season with my children. Christmas is sure more exciting with little ones in all their innocence though.  Pretty soon Sydna and Nathan will have their own separate lives away from us and things around here will definitely feel different. Change is inevitable and with a Godly perspective Jacob and I will do fine.

The babies garden. They're always on our minds.

Opening presents

I would have preferred to eat breakfast before opening presents but you know that the kids wouldn't have agreed to that. I sure love bacon and the hash brown casserole copycat recipe from Cracker Barrel. So yummy!!!

After breakfast Riley and Jacob wanted to go outside and play in the snow. We're a family that's not used to snow so we don't have appropriate snow attire but what the heck, Riley still got to make a snow angel.

On a walk around the neighborhood. What a beautiful flag Old Glory is!

Our street is sure perfect for sledding since we live on a hill but it's also quite treacherous when it ices over. I walked to the bottom of the hill to keep an eye on coming cars.

Throwing snowballs is always fun to do.

Sophie didn't like snow much. She was like, " get me outta here!"

Always keeping them close. Knowing that Reagan and Lincoln are safe and loved by Jesus gives me comfort.

Someone even got a present in her stocking. She was going crazy playing with that big stuffed fish.

In the afternoon we decided to venture out. The main roads were fine ... it's always the residential streets that are scary to drive on.

We went to the movies to watch Ferdinand. We liked it. It was quite funny and have since added it to our animated movie collection.

He who has not Christmas
in his heart will never find it under a tree.

Lincoln Grey

Our sweet baby Lincoln's birthday.
Baby's due date was set for December 3, 2017.

Baby Lincoln was tinier than Reagan ... but we still got to hear baby's heartbeat ... but at nine weeks God took baby with Him to heaven.

I look to heaven for a sign to help search 

out a course, where love can teach acceptance 

and eliminate remorse. My body will accept the 

truth that now our baby's gone. But in our hearts, 

our angel everlastingly lives on!

Happy birth day sweet Lincoln!

we love and miss you!!

Thanksgiving Day 2017

what a great holiday Thanksgiving is.
thankful to God for blessing us with good health
amidst Riley's health issues which we realize is an adjustment
to our family activities but still grateful for the opportunities that we
still get to take part in and the wonderful experiences we continue to have.

i'm mostly thankful for the mundane things in life.
for having indoor plumbing, hot water, clean water, a washer
and dryer and everything else that allows one to live life comfortably.

thankful for Jacob's job. thankful that Jacob works hard
to provide for our family. thankful we have a strong loving
marriage. and most of all I'm thankful for God's love for us and for his
grace and mercy. Everything good comes from Him. He's the provider of all
that we have.

simple decorating

and of course, football on Thanksgiving day is a
must in our home .... although the way things are going
with those athletes that choose to kneel maybe we will opt to
watch something else for next Thanksgiving.

this little boy sure loves onion dip and
chips. i guess he takes after this momma. i
love chips and dip (or salsa).

riley looks so cute and what's up with
his hair? it's so long and choppy. he reminds
me of nathan in this picture when he was the same
age (6 yrs old).

i'm glad sydna and nathan hung out downstairs
with the rest of the family. not sure what they were
talking about but if i want to get a picture of them i have
to be sneaky about it or else nathan will try to hide his face. teenagers
can be so silly. i'm pretty sure i was the same way too at his age. oh well.

i sure love a thanksgiving feast. i wait all year for
turkey and ham, mash potatoes, green beans (but only
with garlic, salt and pepper), and the sweet potato casserole.
jacob and sydna are the only ones that like stuffing. riley about had
a cow when jacob served him a little bit of everything. it was non stop
whining. we told him he at least needed to try each thing. it took him a long
time but he did try it. i think we ended up making him a pb & j sandwich. i know
i know! very irritating.

thankful for these three earth bound children God blessed
us with.

and thankful for our two babies that live with
Jesus in heaven. even through our heartbreak i am
still so thankful to have seen my two babies. i am looking
forward to the day that i will finally meet them.

my sweet babies resting place. we miss you reagan and lincoln.

after tidying up the kitchen we bundled up and
went for a walk around the neighborhood. needed to
walk off all the delicious food we ate. the crispness of the
night felt good on my face ... and as we were heading back home
i noticed those clouds in the distance. i thought they looked awesome.
they look like a rolling wave.

orange is a pumpkin. yellow is the corn. brown is

the turkey with stuffing to adorn. red are the cranberries.

green are the beans. five delicious colors 

-- in a feast of my dreams.

Reagan & Lincoln

October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Although we think of our angel babies every single day I'm glad there's a specific date to remember all of our angel babies by. It's so shocking to know the statistics to pregnancy and infant loss. 1 in 4 women goes through this devastating experience. I recently met another lady who also lost two babies and one of her babies was almost halfway through the pregnancy. This just breaks my heart. It doesn't matter how early we lose a child, it is still heart wrenching. A loss is a loss.

If anything good can come out of losing two babies is that I am thankful that I was able to have both my babies at home. I was able to see them and although their souls are with Jesus it's still comforting to me to know that they are buried within arms reach. I greet them morning and night and I talk to them when I'm tending the backyard.

Reagan would have been close to turning fifteen months old ... and Lincoln would have been close to six months old. I like to picture both of them being cuddled in Jesus' arms and being loved on with so many kisses and hugs, and hoping Libby is next to them too purring loudly.

In heaven there are two angels who are living in God's

care, two tiny little angels who are very happy there. They

were here but for a moment and I carried them close to 

me. I'll love our little angels through all eternity.

♥ We miss you daily Reagan and Lincoln!!♥

Remembrance Walk

The Remembrance Walk for our lost babies was on October 8,2017. It is held at Gene Coulon Beach Park in Renton. There's a line of deciduous trees heading down the boat launch parking lot. They create such a gorgeous scene!!

It was a chilly morning. After we registered I got a blue and white balloon, got a name tag and just stood there looking around at all the families that have gone down the same path as we have. It's sad that pregnancy and child loss is not spoken of more or recognized as the great loss that it is ... because pregnancy and child loss is more common than you think. 1in 4 women suffer through pregnancy and child loss, that's quite significant. And what's even sadder to me is when the ones closest to you don't speak of the child that one lost or some women think that because the baby was too tiny that it wasn't a significant loss. All lost babies matter! They had a heartbeat ... a soul. I am so thankful that I got to birth and see my two angel babies and they have a special resting place in our backyard.

Reagan died on August 28, 2016  ... Due date was set for March 5, 2017   ... He was 13 weeks gestation.
Lincoln died on May 1st, 2017 .... Due date was set for December 3rd, 2017  ... baby was 9 weeks gestation.

I think of both my babies every. single. day and most of the time they're on my mind all day long. I've got their ultrasound pictures on my nightstand so I can see them when I wake up and when I lay down for the night. I also have their pictures downstairs on my bookshelf because the are part of our family and they should be remembered by all of us, daily. Just writing this is making me cry.
oh boy

There are a few kid activity stations. The glitter tattoos are very popular plus, there's also donuts and coffee.

The walk is about half a mile. This is our second time doing this. There was quite a crowd. Although the reason behind this event is a devastating one I am thankful that there is such an event that we can be part of to honor our angel babies.

At the end of the walk each mom receives a carnation for each lost baby then the director of the event will read a poem and after she's done we throw our carnations in the water and that concludes the event.

Grief doesn't have a time limit. Even after grieving for a year,

two, or five doesn't mean I'm not strong in my faith. Knowing the 

Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache, instead it

supports you in the middle of it. Until I get to heaven, 

there's going to be an ache that wont quit.

We think of you both always!

We love you babies.

New Meaning

The month of October has always been my favorite. I love it because Autumn is at it's prime, such gorgeous Autumn colors, my birthday, the weather is just the best, cozy times, visits to the pumpkin patch, continued Autumn traditions, Halloween music and Halloween. It's just a gorgeous fun month ... but now, October has a new meaning that's very special to me, to our family ....

... and as traumatic and heartbreaking as it has been to losing our son Reagan I also feel tremendously grateful that such a thing exists. It lets us grieving parents know that our lost child{ren} is celebrated in many sweet different ways each year and that we should never feel ashamed to speak about him.


Taken from Ronald Reagan's Proclamation of Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month

Proclamation 5890 -- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988

October 25, 1988

By the President of the United States of America

A Proclamation

Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the United States end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, 1988, offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members and work to prevent causes of these problems.

Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and the postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignance to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national, and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals, and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss.

Compassionate Americans are also assisting women who suffer bereavement, guilt, and emotional and physical trauma that accompany post-abortion syndrome. We can and must do a much better job of encouraging adoption as an alternative to abortion; of helping the single parents who wish to raise their babies; and of offering friendship and temporal support to the courageous women and girls who give their children the gifts of life and loving adoptive parents. We can be truly grateful for the devotion and concern provided by all of these citizens, and we should offer them our cooperation and support as well.

The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October 1988 as ``Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month'' and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.

Now, Therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October 1988 as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.

In Witness Whereof, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October, in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth.

Ronald Reagan

[Filed with the Office of the Federal Register, 11:13 a.m., October 26, 1988]

And October 15 is Remembrance Day

On October 15 at 7:00 pm in all time zones, families around the United States will light candles in memory of all the precious babies who have been lost during pregnancy or in infancy. 

Help us create a "wave" of light across our nation!!! Mark it on your calendar if you must.

Learn more at October15th.com