Reagan's Birth Day

March 5, 2017 - Reagan's Due Date

I would have hoped this day would have been different. Instead of anticipating Reagan's birth with excitement and celebration we continued on our path of mourning him. Ever since we lost him on August 26, 2016, in a way I've dreaded each new day. Because each day that ended reminded me of how big Reagan would be growing if he was still alive. The closer it got to March 5th the saddest I would become.
I didn't really get a chance to buy him any baby clothes, toys, books or bottles but just these two swaddling blankets. These are the only baby items I have of Reagan's. Even without knowing back when I first purchased them that I would chose a fox to commemorate him. Funny how God is in the smallest of details.
Now Riley has the stripped blanket and I use the critter one which I place halfway over my pillow.

At church we got prayer from our pastor. Tears just naturally flowed. That was very sad.

I had Riley release a balloon. It was a very blustery winter day and although it was cold I liked being out here.

And we got our baby boy his very own birthday cake. We will celebrate his birthday every year just like we do for our living children. A very sentimental moment as we will miss a lifetime without Reagan here with us.

Riley wanted to blow out the candle for baby brother but at the last minute he couldn't keep it together. He broke down as we finished singing happy birthday so Jacob had to do it.

Grief, I've learned is really just love. It's all the love you want

to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners

of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part 

of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.

Reagan, 

you will forever be remembered!

You're in our every day.

We love you so much.